We live in a world that often feels like a relentless conveyor belt, pulling us towards constant motion and outward achievement. From the moment we wake, we are subtly taught that our value is intertwined with what we do, how much we produce, and how busy our schedules appear. This unspoken creed leads to a profound internal struggle: the urgent need to detach self-worth from productivity. This isn’t just a personal challenge; it’s a societal snare that shapes our choices, our priorities, and even the very fabric of our family lives.
This pervasive drive often goes hand-in-hand with another, equally pervasive illusion: the comfort of conformity. Following the culture’s pace gives us a false sense of assurance that this is the path to success, and that our kids will turn out alright if we stick to the way everyone else is doing it. There’s a subtle but powerful lie embedded in this: that safety and optimal outcomes are guaranteed by blending in. Do you ever get the nudge that we were made for much more than mediocrity and fitting in with the crowd on the conveyor belt laid out before us?
This feeling is born from that intuitive nudge that tells us there’s a different, more abundant way to live and parent. We don’t speak of the beauty and joy of the life we have created to convince those who don’t want to be convinced of it, but, we speak up because there’s a profound chance our words can give another mom and dad the sacred permission and courage to follow their God-given intuition—an intuition they’ve been apprehensive to listen to and trust amidst the overwhelming clamor of cultural expectations.
Consider this an affirmation that you are not alone in your longing for stillness, deeper connection, and a childhood truly lived. It’s an invitation to quiet the external noise and amplify the internal wisdom that whispers of a more intentional, Holy Spirit driven path.
The Invisible Chains and The Empty Cup
When we are constantly skating by from activity to activity, it can be tempting to live a life solely of surface level conversations and protect ourselves from being known too deeply. We miss the richness that comes from setting aside time for authentic friendship and true community, which allows people to get to know us well enough to challenge us to a different and higher way of life; the type of relationship that models for our children that it’s quality over quantity, and the profound importance of meaningful connections that help us strive for sainthood.
For parents, this too frequently seen level of overcommitment often leaves us pouring from an empty cup. This cycle of depletion is contrary to the abundant life we are promised. He came to give us life and give it abundantly. The modern parenting narrative, which equates good parenting with constantly providing more opportunities and activities, creates chronic exhaustion, irritability, and a diminished capacity for joy. Not to mention inadequate time to build the family culture he is calling us to so intentionally construct. We have, in many ways, allowed the “collapse of parenting” to become the norm, where the authority of a parent has been undermined by external pressures and a relentless pace.
Reclaiming Stillness
What is the underlying struggle going on in us that prefers productivity and busyness to quiet and stillness? What makes slowing down scary or uncomfortable? Perhaps it’s the fear of confronting ourselves, or the discomfort of being truly present. Perhaps we have shame that is keeping us from allowing God to gaze at us and delight in us for too long of a time. Yet, this constant motion has a profound spiritual cost: it is undermining the ability for the Holy Spirit to work.
To counteract this, we must become comfortable with stillness and quiet to be with ourselves and God. Are we seeing where prayer time can be squeezed in after the chaos of the day is over or are we seeing what time is left for activity after prioritizing prayer and forming little souls?
Cultivating the habit of mindfulness and intentionality is paramount. When we take time to discern where we are spending our time, to re-evaluate and adjust as needed, it fosters the habit of intentional thinking throughout life. It predisposes our minds to desiring to take time to hear God’s will and living still enough to feel His nudges. It helps us see the beauty in the mundane, recognizing God’s presence in the quiet, ordinary moments.
We must also allow time to experience Christian suffering and learn the great purpose and beauty of it. True growth often comes from embracing discomfort, not running from it.
The Slow Childhood Revolution: Forming the Soul
If we are to live abundantly, and parent intentionally, we must redefine what success looks like for our children. Do you ever imagine what our world might be like if we spent as much time on the spiritual and moral growth of a child as we do the outward achievement growth?
In a world that sings constant praises of academic awards, test scores, medals, and trophies, there is a profound lack of love and attention given to WHO a child is, who they are becoming, and their efforts towards growing in virtue. We spend considerable time forming the mind with education and the body with activity, but how much time are we allotting to form the soul? Are we building our schedule around soul-forming, or does it seem to just get whatever is left over?
What if kids are anxious and burnt out because they are being herded along to do what goes against the natural inclinations, paces, environments, and ways God created little souls to move about? What if they are inadvertently being taught to shut down and suppress feelings, ultimately teaching them they can no longer trust those very signals within themselves. This leads to adults who seek to medicate and/or escape from struggle instead of knowing how to efficiently and maturely deal with their stress and anxiety and work through it in a healthy way. May our focus shift from suppressing natural emotions to teaching discernment of spirits, leaning into the natural inclinations of a child (in an adult directed world), and helping kids learn how to process their emotions in a healthy, productive way. (See blog post: Toughen Up vs Tune In: Why Sweeping Our Kids’ Emotions Under the Rug Harms Our Kids’ Resilience.)
We need to consciously make our children’s vocation an extension of their childhood, allowing them the space to discover who God made them to be, rather than rushing them into artificial adulthood. This also means taking time to observe our children just being, and time for them to learn being comfortable with themselves in quiet stillness (a skill that will lend itself to a better adult prayer life).
The day we learn to slow down our children’s schedules is the day their childhood truly begins.
The Courage of Counter-Culture: Trusting God’s Cultivation
This path, chosen by faith, often feels counter-cultural. Following the culture’s pace gives us a false sense of assurance that this is the path to success and our kids will “turn out alright” if we stick to the way everyone else is doing it. But choosing His way of life requires a different level of surrender, and courage to take the narrow way, which often seems to be the opposite direction of the crowd.
We want assurance that it’s going to lead to “success”, but the truest assurance is not found in our own micro-managed, crowd-following meticulous plans, but in His perfect will and timely grace. We must remember a profound truth: God gives us the grace to do something the moment we need it and not before, so we can’t worry about not having the capacity to do something in our future when we are asked to be doing it right now. This liberates us from crippling anxiety about tomorrow, grounding us in the sufficient grace of today.
This choice to live differently is a decision to step off the path of worldly conformity. By doing so, we give other parents permission and courage to follow their intuition that they might be too apprehensive to follow over the noise of the world.
The Homeschool Mirror and the Curriculum of the Soul
For those embracing paths like homeschooling, a powerful truth emerges: The hardest part of homeschooling actually has nothing to do with teaching or juggling tasks. The hardest part is having no time or space to hide your weaknesses from your kids. In fact, your kids are like little mirrors that magnify them back to you. This can be very painful, exposing our insecurities.
Yet, in this discomfort, a beautiful thing begins to unfold. It creates an incredible urgency to continue to grow in self-awareness, to rely on God’s redeeming grace, and to continue to become a better version of yourself. Your kids get to see you be completely human; they get to sit together with you in the discomfort of working through your struggles and seeing you through the other side.
If you ask me, one of the greatest curriculums of homeschool is learning not to run from or medicate from the hardest parts of your life. It’s learning to truly put in the work during these moments of suffering where God is so tenderly refining us and coming out healed on the other side.
Ultimately, the choice to live a counter-cultural way of life means planting a seed we don’t get to see grow every step of the way with boxes checked, grades given, and a whole crowd assuring you along the way. We plant the seed, have faiththat the Lord is going to help us grow and cultivate it in the way He sees fit, and let Him turn it into what He wants it to be. But how hard is choosing trust over control? We return to the profound truth: God so intentionally handpicked each member of our families for one another. He knew exactly who and what we needed the most to learn and grow into the best versions of ourselves. If this is true, then do you ever wonder if we were actually meant to be spending a majority of our life going our separate ways every day?
Let’s create family culture’s to be proud of and unified in, inviting our kids to rise to the occasion. Let’s pursue the call in our vocation that will make us saints, understanding that our true purpose is found in aligning our lives with God’s intentional design, not the world’s frantic pace.
Come Holy Spirit, let us embrace the unhurried soul God created us with, the abundant life God has waiting for us, and carry on without fear on the courageous path of faith for our families, whom God has so perfectly entrusted to our care.
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